yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
