ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
