Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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