Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
