I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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