I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
