my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
