You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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