THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
