omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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