My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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