just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My liver just broke up with me...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
