just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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