Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
