I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
