He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My ass is underappreciated
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
