omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
