I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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