shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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