I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
