Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
