You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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