so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't notice because vodka
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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