you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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