I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
