My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Randomize
