do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
