I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
