Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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