Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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