i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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