Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
