I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
