it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
