He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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