he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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