Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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