So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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