a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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