I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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