yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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