At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
