just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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