Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
