Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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