Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
