After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
