How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
