if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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