do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
