Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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