k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
