In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
