spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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