Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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