he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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