you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
