Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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