I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
