Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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