My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
